


muse.

by ultsmrk



Series: — the “muse” collection; [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Cheating, F/M, Grinding, Making Out, Oral Sex, Penetration, Riding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-04-24 09:15:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19170253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultsmrk/pseuds/ultsmrk
Summary: You were surprised when your best friend since highschool, who you hadn't seen for three years, asks you for model for him for his photography assignment.—“You were his muse, and it ended up costing you everything.”





	1. i.

**_muse_ **   
/ _ mjuːz _ /   
**noun** **  
** **a person or personified force who is the source of inspiration for a creative artist.**

 

\--

 

You were sitting in your apartment one lazy Sunday afternoon, donning a tank-top and grey sweats as you lounge on your black leather sofa, aimlessly watching some nineties sitcom on Netflix. You nearly jump out of your skin when your phone vibrates on the table, a text popping up on the screen. You glance at the screen without moving, but sit up fully when you see who the text was from.

 

**Johnny:**

_ Hey Y/N! Long time no see, haha. You wanna meet for coffee? I just happen to be in the area for the weekend and thought of you x _

 

You hadn’t heard from Johnny Seo, your highschool best friend, in almost three years. Graduation 2016, Johnny announced that he would be going to a college across the country to pursue his hobby of photography, whilst you would be on the other end of the country getting a degree in Literature. 

 

But now, he was in your neck of the woods, asking you for coffee? You reach for a phone, lamenting over a reply before tapping one out and pressing send.

 

**You:**

_ Johnny! How have you been, bud? It has been a long time haha. Would love to meet up -- there’s a coffee house I frequent called Lee’s on 27th and 1st. Meet me there in an hour? X _

 

Putting your phone back down on the table, you turn off Netflix and get up from your lounging. You head towards the bathroom to get ready, jumping in the shower for a quick wash. You brush your teeth and brush your tangled hair out, before you exit the bathroom towel-clad to get changed. 

 

Getting changed into a white button-up shirt that you tucked into dark skinny jeans, you slide your feet into your Vans. You quickly blow-dry your hair, leaving it slightly damp to air-dry throughout the day. Leaving the room and on your way out, you grab your phone and keys and head out the door.

 

You get into your car, a sleek, black convertible that was parked outside your townhouse apartment. Putting your phone into the dock, music blasts out of the speakers as you turn on the engine, filling the car with your favourite melodies. Putting on the seatbelt, you check the mirrors before pulling out.

 

It is a five minutes drive to the coffee-house - seven minutes if you count the two minutes it takes for you to find a parking spot close to the entrance. Through the shop’s windows, you can tell it isn’t that busy, which you liked. Lee’s was your favourite spot for when you needed some downtime -- you would hate to one day find it overcrowded. 

 

Parking your car, you grab your phone and keys and get out of the car. Locking the vehicle, you head inside, the warm aroma of coffee welcoming you. 

 

“Y/N!” The smooth voice of owner Lee Taeyong calls out for you, and you look over at the blonde haired boy as he beams at you under his cap. Next to him, cleaning out the machine, is his younger brother Jeno, who also offers a smile to you when he notices you in the doorway. You smile back at them, offering a small wave.

 

“Hi, Taeyong. How’s business?” You ask, quickly noticing Johnny sat in a corner booth. 

 

Johnny was looking at you with slight awe, which you returned. It had been three years since you had last seen him, and he looked  _ oh  _ so different from that last time. For one, his hair is shorter than that  _ god-awful  _ hairstyle he had in highschool. It is shorter, and styled rather handsomely. Secondly, he has a slight bit of stubble under his chin -- he had this in highschool too, but, it is shaped more attractively now, marking out his jawline. 

 

Nonetheless, he is still giving you that same old smile. 

 

You have forgotten the conversation you were having with Taeyong, so you quickly change the subject to ordering. 

 

“Taeyong, can I get an Americano, please?” You ask. Taeyong smiles and nods, and you head over to the booth. Johnny gets up to greet you, and as the two of you hug, you notice the final thing about Johnny that is different since highschool.

 

He is  _ much  _ taller. And smells nicer.

 

The two of you sit down opposite one another, laughing almost instantly. You mention how different you both look since highschool, and talk about how life has been treating you both since he left.

 

“I’m doing really well, actually.” Johnny smiles, relaxing in his seat as he takes a sip of his coffee. “I’m almost done with my photography degree, and have already set myself up as a freelance photographer. I mostly do weddings and kids parties, but, if it pays well and builds my portfolio, that’s good right?” 

 

“That’s really cool.” You beam, sipping on your Americano as you listen to him go on. He talks about possibly going into photographing wildlife, as he always enjoyed animals and to take photos of them in their natural habitat would be even better for him. 

 

“Enough about me though!” Johnny changes the subject, switching it around to discuss your own life. “How are  _ you  _ doing? You enjoying the East Coast?”

 

“Yeah, yeah. It’s great.” You begin, thinking of what to say. So much has happened in your life, from moving out to the East from Chicago and pursuing a Literature degree, to starting up a small blog that gets a few hundred hits daily, to even getting into a relationship.

 

“A boyfriend?” Johnny asks, raising an eyebrow. By this point in the conversation, the two had you had finished your coffee and had pushed your cups to the aisle’s edge to be collected by the young barista Jeno when he made his rounds. 

 

“What’s he like?”

 

“His name is Jaehyun; he’s in the same major and he’s wonderful.” You say, soon droning on about the two-year relationship. You first met Jaehyun in the library as you scoured for some old classic that you kept forgetting the name of now. Jaehyun was working part time at the library, and sparks seemed to fly instantly as he helped you. After a few months of regularly seeing each other in class and the library, he plucked up the courage to ask you out.

 

He took you to the local pub near campus, owned by a friend of his named Lucas who had round eyes and a smile that made him look innocent despite the fact he went home with a different woman every few nights. That first date turned into your first kiss -- you, being slightly more sober, drove him back to his dormhouse when he drunkenly asked you for a kiss, all while Chase Atlantic played on the stereo. That kiss was the best two minutes of your life. 

 

You asked him to move in with you after a year of dating. You made a whole big thing of it, going furniture shopping with him for a new bed and other stuff. And, on that first night, you christened that new bed. 

 

“Spare me the details on that.” Johnny cuts you off, as you turn beet red from embarrassment. “We may be best friends but I did not wanna hear that much.”

 

“You could have stopped me earlier.” You mumble, pushing your hair behind your ears. 

 

“Why? You look so cute when you’re in love. This Jaehyun sounds like a nice guy, I’d like to meet him one day. He needs my approval you know.” Johnny says, chuckling. 

 

“Yeah, of course. Just because you’re in LA full time doesn’t mean you can’t Skype me.”

 

“I’ll remember that.”

 

“So,” you say, bringing the conversation back around to him. “Is there a reason you asked me for coffee?”

 

“Right.” Johnny clears his throat. “Y/N, how would you like to be a model for a day?”

 

“A model?” You ask. “What for?”

 

“For my photography class. We were asked to take a bunch of photos for a specific concept, and for mine I thought, who better than the prettiest girl I knew in highschool?”

 

You blush slightly at the compliment, but you’re still confused on what exactly you need to do. “Thanks, but, I need a little more.”

 

“Our concepts were like, super niche. I chose to focus on the beauty of the female form during mundane tasks.”

 

“This isn’t a nude thing, is it?” You raise an eyebrow. 

 

“No!” Johnny says. “Fully clothed.”

 

“Good.” You breath a sigh of relief. “So, what ‘mundane’ tasks are we talking?”

 

“Simple stuff. Grocery shopping. Cooking. Errands.”

 

“This isn’t you asking me out on a date, is it?”

 

“No.” Johnny denies again. “If I was asking you out, I’d be much more blunt about it.”

 

“Right.” You say, before mulling over the idea. You had errands to run today anyway, so, you jump at the chance to help him out.

 

“Why not.” You smile. “Sounds like fun. I’m in.”

 

“Awesome.” Johnny beams. “When do you wanna do this?”

 

“You said you were here for the weekend, and it’s Sunday. I have errands to run anyway. Why not today?”

 

“Alright. Let me go back to my Airbnb and get my camera and I’ll meet you..where?”

 

“Meet me at Whole Foods in an hour. It’s not far from here, it’s near Central Park.” You say. “If you want, I can drop you back to your place to get your stuff?”

 

“No, it’s fine.” Johnny says. “My place is only around the corner from here anyway. I have enough for a cab, too.”

 

“Alright.” You smile, getting up. “I’ll pay for our drinks-”

 

“No.” Johnny stops you again, as he also gets up. “Let me. You go on ahead, okay? I’ll meet you soon.”

 

“Alright.” You nod, giving him a quick hug goodbye before leaving. As you leave, you also wave goodbye to Taeyong and Jeno. Stepping out into the afternoon sun, you head to your car and drive off towards the grocery store.

 

\--

 

Within the hour of you arriving at the store, Johnny soon pulls up in a cab with his camera. You marvel at the rather large equipment as you greet him.

 

“Am I a celebrity now?” You joke as you point out the camera. 

 

“This thing?” Johnny says. “It takes better quality photos.”

 

“Okay.” You chuckle, admittedly knowing nothing about cameras. You stand awkwardly for a few seconds before you speak again.

 

“So.. what do I do?”

 

“Just go about your shopping trip. Pretend I’m not even here. I’ll still get some good shots either way.”

 

“Fine.” You say, doing just that. For the next few hours, you and Johnny walk around Whole Foods. You get all the groceries you need and Johnny stands a few paces behind you, getting some perfect shots. To other shoppers, this setup looks rather troubling -- at one point, another shopper mistakes Johnny for a stalker, to which he explains the project and all is resolved, which you find very humorous.

 

After shopping, as the two of you head back to your car, you suggest him coming back to your apartment, to his surprise.

 

“Didn’t you say something about cooking being in your criteria?” You say. “I could cook some dinner.”

 

“You sucked at cooking.” Johnny says with a small chuckle.

 

“That was highschool.” You roll your eyes with a laugh. “This is college. I’m better at cooking now; you’ll be surprised.”

 

“I better be.” Johnny says. You put all the groceries in the trunk as Johnny gets into the passenger seat. You soon join him up front, quickly pulling out of the lot and heading for home.

 

The sun sets around 5PM, the warm glow of orange streaming through the bay windows complementing the aroma of spaghetti and meatballs. As you cook, steam making you sweat, Johnny takes some action shots whilst also helping you prep the meal.

 

“Mm.” The smooth voice of your boyfriend, Jaehyun, takes you by surprise. He exits the bedroom wearing his tank-top and sweats, with a towel draped over one shoulder and a gym bag weighing down the other. He grins as he approaches you, snaking an arm around your waist as he kisses your shoulder and holds you. 

 

“Smells great, babe.”

 

“Thank you.” You blush. Jaehyun then notices Johnny sat at the counter island with his camera and furrows his eyebrows.

 

“Uh, hello?” Jaehyun says, then mumbles to you: “Babe, who’s he, and why is he taking pictures of you?”

 

“Jae, you remember my friend Johnny, right? My friend from highschool?”

 

“Ah, Johnny!” It then clicks for Jaehyun, who relaxes slightly. “The photography major from LA?”

 

“Yup.” Johnny answers, outstretching a hand for Jaehyun to shake - which he does,  _ firmly _ . “You must be Jaehyun? Y/N’s boyfriend?”

 

“The very same.” Jaehyun grins, hugging you from behind again. “Save some for me, babe? Me and the guys are gonna hit the gym for a few hours.”

 

“Okay.” You say, as Jaehyun plants a kiss on your cheek. You giggle slightly as his kiss is sloppy and slightly tickles you. He gives you a light tap on the ass as he leaves, which makes you squeal softly. 

 

Johnny stifles his laughter until after Jaehyun leaves.

 

“What?” You ask.

 

“Nothing.” Johnny chuckles. “He just doesn’t seem much like the Lit major you described earlier. He seems like a jock to me.”

 

You roll your eyes. “That’s just how we are. C’mon, dinner’s ready. Grab a plate and dish up what you want.”

 

The two of you eat, and catch up a little more. Then, you while away the night over glasses of wine, letting the night slip away as the alcohol numbs your senses and slurs your thoughts. The pair of you end up drunkenly making a choice to watch some niche artistic indie film on Netflix, that neither of you actually pay attention to as you’re too busy laughing at how drunk the two of you are.

 

“You’re such a lightweight!” Johnny slurs, drunkenly swaying back and forth on your couch. You gasp playfully, and give him a gentle push which knocks him onto his side, smushing his cheek into the leather.

 

“You’re probably more drunk than me.” You giggle. “Us Lit majors are  _ accustomed  _ to the fine taste of wine. I don’t know what it is you photographers drink..”

 

You trail off your sentence as you notice Johnny staring at you from where he is now laying on his back. His dark eyes glisten in the moonlight as he watches you. You blush slightly, turning away.

 

“Hey.” He mumbles. You turn back to face him. “Come here.”

 

You furrow your eyebrows. “Huh?”

 

“Come here.” He whines, holding his arms out, wanting to cuddle. This wasn’t exactly strange behaviour for him -- Johnny was a clingy drunk, you had established this in highschool when the pair of you would occasionally get drunk at both his and your house most weekends. So, you accept his request, laying your head on his chest as he wraps his arms around you.

 

You lay like this for a little while, listening to the sound of Johnny’s heart beating in his chest. It echoes in your ear at a rather quick pace. Whenever he breathes, his chest rises and falls, and you almost fell asleep if Johnny hadn’t woken you up with his chest vibrating as he spoke softly.

 

“Hey.” He mumbles again.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“I gotta confess something.”

 

“Hmm.”

 

“I like you.”

 

“I know you do.” You smile. “We’re best friends, remember? You have to like me to be my friend.”

 

“Not like that.” Johnny sighs, alcohol on his breath as he huffs. “I mean, yeah, we’re best friends but I don’t  _ just  _ like you like that. I like you the way Jaehyun likes you.”

 

You sit up then, furrowing your brows as you stare at him in confusion. He only stares back at you with those glistening eyes, and a small frown on his face.  _ Was he serious? _

 

Johnny sits up slowly, an arm resting by your head and, before you knew it, he is pulling you closer to him and kissing you. The kiss is soft, and wine was on his soft, moist lips. You soon take into account what is happening,  and you pull away.

 

“Johnny-”

 

You catch sight of him in the moonlight again, which resurface feelings you  _ thought  _ you had buried when you moved for college.  _ This wasn’t right _ , you say to yourself.  _ You have a boyfriend, you shouldn’t be chasing old crushes. Are you seriously about to throw it all away for a drunken night? _

 

“Johnny..” you sigh softly, looking away from him.  _ You can’t be doing this, right?  _ You are screaming at yourself now for even considering cheating.  _ Jaehyun could be home any minute, what would you say to him if you were caught? _

 

“Johnny.” You say again, more firmly. Then, you look up at him, and see the way he is looking at you. And, you don’t know what comes over you, but you soon end up kissing him again. You savour the feeling of his lips against yours, and the way he caresses your neck with one hand as the two of you move in a fluid motion. 

 

_ Stop.  _ You try to tell yourself.  _ Let him go. Tell him to leave. Just, stop. _

 

Johnny grabs onto you, pulling you onto his lap. Your arms wrap around his neck as you sink into his kisses. You entangle your fingers in his black hair, letting the locks tickle your fingertips as Johnny equally runs his cool fingers down your back and under your shirt, creeping up the small bumps of your spine. You let out a small chuckle as his fingers fumble with your bra strap.

 

Your phone vibrates on the glass table, as a text that you don’t see pops up on the screen.

 

_ Stop, Y/N. That’s Jaehyun texting you.  _ You scream at yourself.  _ Stop this madness now. _

 

Taking away a hand from Johnny’s hair, you reach around and help him unclip your bra. He smiles into your lips as he pulls your bra down off of your breasts, and you untuck your shirt so that he can pull the bra from under your shirt and drop it on the floor.

 

He then moves to slowly unbuttoning your shirt, with each button loose opening up new territory for him to run his lips over. His lips brush over your nipple and you gasp softly.

 

He keeps caressing your breasts, kissing them softly as you whimper and gasp under his expert touch. You start to unbutton him and give him the same treatment, kissing down his neck, along his collarbone and chest. All the while, you end up slowly grinding against his thigh, rocking back and forth as Johnny continues to tease you with his lips and tongue. You throw your head back, letting out of a soft moan as he refuses to stop, and  _ you don’t want him to _ .

 

Your phone vibrates again on the table, another text that you ignore. 

 

_ Y/N. Stop. Stop it, now. _

 

“Don’t stop.” You whimper under his touch, as he takes one hand and creeps it down your stomach and past the hem of your jeans. You gasp softly as you feel a hand caressing you through your panties. You roll your hips against his careful touch, begging for more.

 

“Don’t stop.”

 

You endure his teasing a little more, enduring the wonder of what his touch must be like through your slowly soaking panties. He’s leaving you a gasping, whimpering, moaning mess as he enjoys the way you squirm as he brushes his fingers against the fabric. 

 

But then, he goes a step further. He breaches the fabric of your panties, dragging a single finger between your lips at slow,  _ slow  _ pace. As he does, you let out a moan louder than the last. You had waited for this feeling for so long, and now that you have it, you can’t get enough.

 

But that was just the beginning. As he continues to trail kisses along your bare chest, his fingers make their home between your legs. He pulls out every stop, from tickling your clit to running his fingers along the throbbing lips. As he does this, you keep rolling against him, slowly nearing a climax. 

 

“Fuck.” He swears under his breath, breathing heavily. As he had made you wetter and wetter, all of your grinding makes him harder and harder. Removing his hands from your dripping pussy, he grabs your waist so that he can lay you back against the leather couch. He towers over you, fumbling nervously with the buckle of his jeans. As he gets them off, you push down your jeans and panties and drop them onto the floor.

 

He undoes his belt buckle and pushes down his jeans, but he doesn’t move his boxers. Not that you had noticed, as, the moment he gets his jeans down he kisses you again, deeply. You could feel his boner pressing against your stomach, and you continue to whine under him.

 

“Johnny..” you wince, becoming impatient. Your hands start to creep towards his boxers. “Please.”

 

“Okay. You ready?”

 

“Yes. I’m ready.”

 

All it took was two seconds. Pushing himself closer towards you, he lines himself up and brings his boxers down just enough for him to slide himself into you. As he burrows his throbbing cock deep inside of you, you let out a scream. Entangling your fingers into his hair again, you hold onto the locks as he thrusts, in and out, at a passionate rate. It wasn’t too rough, yet, it wasn’t too soft either. It was a rate that perfectly described the pining you two had held for each other since highschool, but never acted on.

 

You shut your eyes tightly as you feel your climax approaching fast. You didn’t want him to stop, you didn’t want the feeling to go away in a flash. You wanted him forever, in his moment, making you scream at the top of your lungs and craving him like you craved him before.

 

Your phone, once again, vibrates on the glass table. But you don’t hear it, as the noises that you and Johnny are producing drown out any sound around you. In that moment was just the two of you and nobody else. 

 

“Johnny..” you whimper again, your climax practically escaping as you try so hard to hold it in. “Johnny, I’m close.”

 

“Can you hold it?” Johnny asks between thrusts, sweat dripping from his brow as he seems to speed up slightly to match his climax against yours. “I’m almost there, baby.”

 

“I don’t think I can..” you whine, and within that same second it came flowing out. Electricity ran through your veins as you crossed over into euphoria, letting out a long gasp as you do. You’re sweating buckets, and heaving, but you’re happy.

 

Johnny soon finishes, pulling out quick enough to catch the bulk of it on your stomach. He quickly reaches for the tissues on the table, taking one to wipe his cum from you. Once you’re clean, he leans down to press a kiss to your lips.

 

The high wears off, and the reality of the situation sinks in. You sit up, refusing to look at him as you collect yourself. You button your shirt, grabbing your discarding clothes and quickly heading for your room. You can’t even face him as you speak to him.

 

“You can stay here tonight. I’ll tell Jaehyun you had too much to drink and I let you crash on the couch. But, you have to go tomorrow.”

 

\--

 

Sunlight streams through your bedroom window, and the sound of running water from the shower slowly wakes you from your slumber. Your head pounds against your skull, as you slowly recall the events of last night and are washed with a wave of guilt.

 

Reaching for your phone on your bedside table, you look at the messages that you had ignored last night. All three texts were from Jaehyun, who was blissfully unaware of what you were up to, which only made you feel worst.

 

**Jaehyun:**

_ Hey, babe. The guys and I are gonna head back to Lucas’ for some drinks. Won’t be too late x _

 

**Jaehyun:**

_ Bsbe. O lpve u sp mich. Ok? X _

 

**Jaehyun:**

_ Hey. This is Lucas, texting for Jaehyun. He’s a little drunk, so, he’s staying for the night. Will send him home tomorrow, right as rain. _

 

You hear the shower turn off and put your phone down, biting your lip as you anticipate whoever is behind that door. Jaehyun appears in nothing but a towel wrapped loosely around his hips. He smiles at you sweetly.

 

“Morning, babe. How did you sleep?”

 

“Fine. My head hurts..”

 

Jaehyun chuckles. “You and Johnny drank a little too much, huh?”

 

“Yeah.” You mumble, averting your gaze. “You could definitely say that.”

 

“Doesn’t he go home today?”

 

“Yeah..” you say, realising you now have to wake Johnny up, not say anything abot the night before, and get him out of your apartment. “Yeah. I’ll go get him up.”

 

Getting out of bed, you quickly scurry towards the living room. Johnny is sprawled out on your couch, and you breathe a sigh of relief when you see that he re-dressed himself. Standing next to him, you nudge his shoulder a few times before he slowly wakes from his sleep. When he sees you, he grins sheepishly, severely hungover.

 

“Good morning-”

 

“You need to go.” You interrupt him before he can say any more. You pull him up and help him stand. “Now. Go, Johnny.”

 

“But-”

 

“But,  _ nothing _ .” You hiss, pushing him towards the front door and grabbing the camera on your way. “ _ Nothing _ happened last night. You hear me?

 

“Something  _ did  _ happen, though.” Johnny says as you push him out of the door. “Whether you wanna ignore it or not.”

 

“Johnny.” You restrain yourself from shouting, as Jaehyun was in the bedroom getting ready for a class you  _ both _ had in twenty minutes. “Nothing. Nothing happened. I’m not about to let some  _ stupid  _ mistake ruin my relationship.”

 

Johnny was quiet then, shocked by your words. The two of you had been friends since you were kids, going to the same elementary, middle and highschools. You grew up together, and, after one drunken night, you had thrown that all away.

 

“So I’m just a mistake?”

 

“Johnny-”

 

“No.” Johnny cuts you off, suddenly very sober. “Don’t bother. I’ve already ruined your little relationship; even though he probably did the same last night too. But suddenly I’m the bad guy, huh?”

 

“You kissed me.”

 

“ _ You kissed me back _ .”

 

You sigh, knowing he was right. No matter how much you tried to pin the blame on him, he was right. And you hated him for being right.

 

“I’ll get going now. Gotta catch the next flight home.” Johnny mutters, turning away from you. “Goodbye, Y/N.”

 

With those words, Johnny Seo left you alone for a second time.


	2. ii.

It had been three months since he left.

 

In those three months, you did everything you could to not think about him; to not think about that night. Instead, you threw yourself into your studies and into your relationship. 

 

You and Jaehyun grew stronger. You went out on dates more, the sparks grew more and the passion in your relationship was great. Jaehyun even got a job picking up shifts at Lucas’ bar, which you expected was to fund the engagement ring that you stumbled upon one day, when Lucas flashed up in his notifications with a suggestion for a ring to buy. 

 

You have no idea when this was meant to be happening, and butterflies grow in your stomach when you think about it, but for the sake of Jaehyun’s planning you pretend you know nothing until the day he finally does it.

 

As amazing as these months have been, you still feel something missing. There was a chasm, deep inside of you, that you didn’t know what to do with; nor did you know what to fill it with. At first, you try to ignore it. And, it works for you, for a while.

 

Until he comes back.

 

You are at home one night, alone. Jaehyun is at work, and you are hard at work on an essay due at the end of the week. Music pours through your headphones as you type, sucked in the fantasy world your words are moulding. 

 

Your phone screen lights up with a notification; a text, from  _ him _ .

 

**Johnny:**

_ Hey. _

 

You ignore it as best you can. Yes, the feeling of your heart dropping to the pit of your stomach upon seeing his name and suddenly remembering the last time you saw him hurts like  _ hell _ . But, you ignore it.

 

Until he pops up again.

 

**Johnny:**

_ Can we talk? _

 

You ignore it, again. And he pops up, again.

 

**Johnny:**

_ Y/N, please. _

 

You still continue to ignore it. Shaking your head, you power through your writing piece, ignoring the distractions of the outside world. 

 

Until, the nagging feeling in your stomach is all you can think about. So, you take out your headphones, put aside your laptop, and pick up your phone to respond.

 

**You:**

_ What do you want? _

 

Johnny’s response takes five seconds.

 

**Johnny:**

_ Can we talk? _

 

**You:**

_ About what? _

 

**Johnny:**

_ Us. _

 

A lump grows in your throat as you look at that word.  _ Us _ . There was no ‘us’ with you and Johnny, only to describe the one horrible mistake you made. But now, there is just you, and Jaehyun. That is the ‘us’ in your life.

 

Johnny types out another text, the pinging of the notification chime interrupting your thoughts as you glance down at the text.

 

**Johnny:**

_ Can we Skype? Please? _

 

**You:**

_ I’m busy. _

 

**Johnny:**

_ It won’t take long. Please. _

 

You are hesitant in your reply. You don’t want to see his face, as you know that once you do, your three months of trying to forget him are just going to throw itself right back in your face. 

 

But Johnny is persistent. And, eventually, you cave. Rolling your eyes, you sigh as you type out a reply:

 

**You:**

_ You have five minutes.  _

 

As soon as you send that, the Skype call happens. The notification pops up on your laptop screen, covering your work. You quickly straighten yourself out — take down your long hair only to tie it up again in a slightly neater ponytail, you then move yourself further back up the bed to rest your aching back against the pillows. 

 

You accept the call, and see his face for the first time in three months.

 

He is a mess. Dark circles are plastered under his eyes, his hair is a dishevelled mess and he looks as if he hasn’t gone out since he left you. His surroundings are dark, perhaps in an attempt to shield himself from you. It breaks your heart slightly to see him like this, but you remain strong in front of him. 

 

_ In five minutes, he will be gone from your life _ .

 

For the first two minutes, there’s no talking. Only staring, and awkward silence as the ticking clock above your bed gnaws away at your calm. And then, at the third minute, he speaks.

 

“Hey, Y/N.” He greets, his voice cracking as he says your name. It seems he can’t even bear to look at you without nearly breaking down; he bites down on his bottom lip and glances away from the camera on his computer.

 

“Hello, Johnny.” You answer back, breathing deeply.

 

“How are you?”

 

“I’m fine. How are you?”

 

Johnny sighs, going quiet. At minute four, he pours his heart out. He explains that he hasn’t been doing good. He hasn’t been  _ doing  _ at all. Sure, he goes to class like normal, and does his projects as normal. But, aside from that, he hasn’t done anything. He doesn’t go out, he doesn’t see friends or go on dates. He sits at home, and he wallows. 

 

He mentions that he feels empty. Like there’s a chasm inside of him, that he doesn’t know what to do with, nor does he know how to fill it. 

 

“What I do know,” he sighs, not looking at you. “Is that night we spent together was the best night I’ve had.”

 

At minute five, when the call is supposed to have ended, you swallow your pride.

 

“I feel the same.” You mutter. “I can’t believe I’m saying it, but, I am. I hate that it happened, and I blame myself every fucking day. But, it happened, and I can’t take it back.”

 

“And quite frankly, Johnny Seo, I don’t want to.”

 

At minute six, one minute after the call should have ended, there is a moment of stunned silence, as Johnny processes your words in his mind. The two of you feel exactly the same about each other, as wrong as it is. But, it seems that neither of you are willing to clarify how wrong it is to feel this way, seeing as you are in a stable relationship and Johnny is.. well,  _ Johnny _ . Your best friend, who should be nothing more than that.  _ Right? _

 

At minute seven, you speak again. 

 

“So, what do we do now?”

 

It’s minute eight. “Come to me.”

 

“Go to you?”

 

“Come to LA.” Johnny says, at minute nine. “I’m gonna buy you a ticket to fly out to me on Friday, you’ll spend the weekend with me, and return on Sunday.”

 

“Johnny.” You say, suddenly trying to backpedal. “I can’t just fly out to you. I have responsibilities here; schoolwork, friends, Jaehyun. What am I gonna say to him, huh? I can’t exactly tell him  _ why  _ I’m flying to the other end of the country for a weekend without him.”

 

“I’m buying you the ticket. Take it or leave it.” At minute ten, five minutes after the call should have ended, Johnny hangs up.

 

You’re beside yourself, your mind throwing around random thoughts that you’re too shocked to fully process. The only coherent thought is about Jaehyun. What you will tell him. How you will tell him. How might he react.

 

Two minutes later, a text pops up on your phone.

 

**Johnny:**

_ The flight’s booked. Here’s the e-ticket. It leaves on Friday at 9am. You’ll arrive by noon. Take it or leave it. _

 

Staring at the text, you try your best to clear your mind. You try to convince yourself against it; you had spent three months forgetting him, are you prepared to throw away all of that progress, and your  _ relationship _ , for something that may just be all in your head? For something that may just be a fleeting feeling of lust, a thrill like you had the last time Johnny was around?

 

Staring at that e-ticket, you come up with your answer.

 

**You:**

_ See you Friday. _

 

\--

 

On Thursday, one day before you are due to leave, you tell Jaehyun. You tell him over lunch, the two of you sharing a meatball sub from the sandwich shop on campus. You had been going over the assignment you got in class when you find the best way to shoehorn the excuse in.

 

“Oh. You remember that Medieval short story I wrote a few weeks ago for class?” You ask nonchalantly, picking at the sandwich in your hands.

 

“Yeah.” Jaehyun says, a small smile on his meatball-sauced lips. “That was a great piece.” 

 

“Yeah. Professor Grover says that she entered it in this big competition that's in LA. She emailed me the other day to tell me it got shortlisted for the Best Short award.”

 

“Babe!” Jaehyun grins, putting down his half of the sandwich so that he can grab both of your hands, that were still clutching your sandwich. “That’s awesome! I’m so proud of you!”

 

Jaehyun then leans forward to kiss you, meatball-sauced lips approaching your clean face. You quickly deflect, grabbing a nearby napkin and handing it to him.

 

“You have meatball lips, Jae.” You mumble. Jaehyun chuckles, and takes the napkin from your hands. Wiping his mouth clean of the sauce, he balls up the dirty napkin and places it on the tray. 

 

“Thanks, babe.” He says, before leaning forward to kiss you again. He gives you a quick, congratulatory peck on the lips before continuing to eat.

 

“Yeah.” You say, ignoring the pit in your heart that is growing the more you lie to him. “So, I have to fly out tomorrow morning.”

 

“Tomorrow morning?” Jaehyun asks, raising an eyebrow. “That’s a bit short notice.”

 

“Yeah, I know.” You sigh. “I just wanted to surprise you.”

 

“Well, consider me surprised.” Jaehyun chuckles. “When will you be back?”

 

“Sunday lunchtime.”

 

“A whole weekend in LA, huh?” Jaehyun smirks. “You’re so lucky.”

 

“Aren’t I just.”

 

“Well, it’s kind of a bummer I can’t go with you.” Jaehyun frowns slightly, before he perks up again. “But, I’ll miss you terribly, and we’ll all be cheering you on back home.”

 

“Thanks, babe.”

 

“You’re welcome.” Jaehyun smiles sweetly. “Now, eat up. You’ve got class in ten minutes.”

 

You finish the rest of your day, and, when Jaehyun leaves for work that night, you let Johnny know that you’ve spun Jaehyun the best lie you could think of. You then pack up a bag filled with the essentials; your clothes, a travel bag with a mini tube of toothpaste, your toothbrush, a mini bottle of shampoo and conditioner. You also remember to pack a few birth control pills, just in case.

 

Next, you prepare your flight outfit, so that you weren’t spending hours the next morning deciding on the perfect outfit. You wanted to be comfortable, but you also wanted to appear attractive. So, you settle on a pair of skinny jeans and one of Jaehyun’s oversized flannel shirts -- you’re positive he won’t be missing it for a weekend. Putting the items on clothing hangers separate from the rest of your clothes, you shut your wardrobe in satisfaction.

 

You get an early night after making dinner; a bowl of instant noodles and a few episodes of  _ Friends  _ and you are off to bed. But, you don’t get to sleep right away -- you spend a good few hours awake, your mind a mess with all the nerves for the weekend ahead. Before midnight, you resort to taking a sleeping pill, which knocks you out after ten minutes.

 

Having already packed the night before, you didn’t have to wake up so early the next morning to pack, thankfully. However, Jaehyun was insistent that you check, and re-check, your bag. It got to the point that you could confidently list every item in your suitcase to him without even having to look at it. 

 

Once you are done with his security checks, he insists on hearing the “speech” you had prepared for once you “won” the award you made up.

 

So, you spend thirty minutes spinning him more lines about how grateful you are to get the award, how thankful you are to your teachers and friends and family, and how you hope that you have inspired the next generation of short-story writers to not give up, or something along those lines.

 

“Jae.” You say, checking the time on your phone and realising you only had an hour to get to the airport and catch your flight, meaning that you had to leave right now if you wanted to make it on time, knowing what the early morning New York traffic was like. Thankfully you had pre-booked an Uber, and it was already here. “Babe, I gotta go. My cab’s outside.”

 

“Okay. I’ll walk you down.” Getting up, Jaehyun grabs your small case and heads for the door. You follow him, allowing him to take your bag so long as it keeps up the illusion that you are simply leaving for business, and not for pleasure. The driver gets out of the car when he sees the two of you come out of the building, and pops open the trunk for Jaehyun to put your case in.

 

“You going on a trip?” The driver asks, making quick conversation.

 

“She is.” Jaehyun grins, making a point to put his arm around you and give you a sloppy kiss on the cheeks. “My girl’s up for a big writing award in LA.”

 

“Oh? Well, good luck to you.” The driver smiles, and you bashfully blush.

 

“Jae..” you mumble, nudging him in his side. “Babe, I gotta go.”

 

“Okay, baby.” Jaehyun removes his arm from your shoulders, quickly pulling you in for a hug and a kiss on your forehead. “Text me when you get there, okay? And let me know how it goes!”

 

“I will. I promise.” You say, hurrying him along. He puckers his lips for a kiss, which you give him. Then, he lets you go, watching as you get in the car. The driver glances at you through his rear-view mirror, offering you a small smile. Jaehyun waves at you through the car window. You wave back, and the car drives off. 

 

Pulling your phone out of the pocket of your jeans, you send Johnny a text.

 

**You:**

_ On my way. See you soon. _

 

\--

 

Getting up from your seat on the plane, you roll your head back to relieve the tension in your neck from the three-hour flight. Being in the window seat, you wait for the two passengers next to you -- a young, lovey-dovey couple presumably on their honeymoon if the sparkly gold rings on their fingers were anything to go by -- to retrieve their overhead luggage before you move out into the aisle and retrieve your bag. 

 

Remembering your promise to Jaehyun, you pull out your phone to text him. A lump rises in your throat as you send him the false words:

 

**You:**

_ Just landed. See you Sunday. Love you x _

 

Leaving the plane and heading through the tunnel, you pull out your phone to text Johnny to let him know you had arrived. You hear someone call your name as you start to type out the message, and look up to see Johnny already waiting for you at arrivals, home-made placard and all. He stands there with a sheepish grin as you finally lock eyes on him. You roll your eyes with a small grin as you walk over to him. 

 

Expecting him to pull you into a hug, he surprises you by pulling you in for a deep kiss.

 

You want to stay with him in that kiss forever, slightly missing the way his lips felt and moved against yours. But, you are both stood in the middle of a fairly-busy airport, amongst other people await other passengers. So, you break away from the kiss, and nudge his arm to tell him to start moving towards the exit. Johnny takes your hand with a small smile, pulling you through the busy terminal to his car that was parked outside. 

 

Swooping around to the other side of you, Johnny whisks the bag out of your hand to put it in the backseat. Then, like a gentleman, he opens the passenger door for you. Blushing slightly, you slide into the car and put on your seatbelt. Johnny walks around to the driver’s side door, getting into the car also. Once he’s in the car, he leans over to give you another kiss, this one much shorter but still filled with anticipation.

 

When he pulls away, he smirks and whispers to you: “Congratulations on getting shortlisted.”

 

“It’s such an honour to be here.” You giggle, biting your lip. Johnny starts up the car and heads back to his apartment. For the entire drive, he keeps one hand firmly on the wheel and the other settled on your thigh. Everytime you look down to see his hand firmly placed there, you look over to him to see a smirk on his lips. He clearly can’t wait to get you back to his place.

 

After half an hour, you arrive back at Johnny’s apartment. The exterior was a modern, condo-style apartment exterior, with inviting white bricks and clear glass windows that are beckoning for you. 

 

Shutting off the car once he pulls up, Johnny is quick to get out of the car and go around to your car door to let you out. And, like he did at the airport, he opens the door to the backseat to get your bag out, which he insists on carrying up to his second floor apartment, his other hand gripping yours as he pulls you into the apartment building and up the stairs.

 

Opening the door to his apartment, you get a glimpse of Johnny’s living space -- it is open-plan, like your apartment is. All you can see are his black couches by the wide glass windows that appear to go out onto a small balcony. But, you don’t get to see much, as once the two of you are inside, Johnny spins you around to face him as he backs himself against the door, not really knowing what to do with himself now that he was alone with you again.

 

You stare up at him for a few moments, breathless as he looks down on you with his warm brown eyes; you notice the way his perfectly puckered lips seem to twitch slightly as he in turn looks towards your own lips. 

 

His lips curl up into a small smile as he takes a finger and draws it along your jaw, pulling you towards him more as he whispers softly: “Come here, then.”

 

He starts to bend down to kiss you, and you meet him halfway, going onto your toes to meet his lips which you melt into immediately, savouring them like they are the last thing on Earth you will touch before death. Johnny continues to bend down, however, as his hands snake under your thighs and he lifts you up. He straightens his back against the door as you let out a small giggle, wrapping your arms around his neck and entangling your fingers in his dark locks as your legs wrap themselves tightly around his waist.

 

“I missed you.” He mumbles against your lips as he carries you towards the bedroom. “So much.”

 

“I can tell.” You smile, pushing yourself against his torso as you sink deeper into his kisses, drowning in them. Getting into the bedroom, Johnny lays you gently down on his white sheets, pulling his lips away from yours to get a look at you, and the way you silently plead for him to come back.

 

“This weekend,” he says, looking you up and down with a smirk on his lips and lust in his eyes. “You’re mine.”

 

“I’m yours.” You whine, as he dives back down for another kiss. A little too eager, a soft moan escapes your lips as he kisses you, pushing his lips harshly against yours as his passion soaks onto you. He disconnects his lips from yours quickly after and he starts moving downward, kissing down your chin, leaving light purple bruises on your neck. He reaches your collar and unbuttons your shirt, uncovering new territory for him to run his lips over and claim as his for the next two days. 

 

Once he’s unbuttoned your shirt, he continues to move downwards. He tugs at your jeans, pulling them down to your ankles before pulling down your panties. He kisses up your inner thighs, which sends small tingles down your spine, before his lips brush gently over your clit which sends a whole shockwave. You lean your head back on his sheets, letting out a gasp.

 

“Oh --  _ oh. _ ” You gasp loudly, entangling your hands deep in his hair as he provides extra special care to you down there, lapping up your tingling clit like a kitten lapping up its milk. You are practically pushing his head inside of you, but, that doesn’t stop his relentlessness. You arch your back as he continues to slowly drag the tip of his tongue between the lips of your pussy. He savours the noises that come out from your mouth, using them as a guide to keep his pace steady; to push you to the edge and make you beg for something better.

 

As he drags his tongue up, he makes a point to drill the tip of his tongue gently against your clit for a few seconds, before taking his tongue back down again. Each time he does this, you let out a long, breathy moan, calling his name nearly every time. Any other time, your words and unintelligible slurs of pleasure. But he is loving the way his name sounds coming out of your mouth, and savours every word as he gets harder and harder in his jeans. 

 

Keeping one hand on your thigh to steady his lips on you, he takes another hand to his jeans. He shakily unbuttons his jeans and zips down his fly, pushing his hand into his boxers and taking himself in his hand, jerking his hand softly as he starts to get himself off to the taste of you. As he works the two of you, he starts to grunt with pleasure, running his hand up and down his length in a steady motion. The vibrations of his lips as he starts to make noise sends more waves of pleasure through your body, pushing you closer to climax.

 

“Johnny-” you whine softly, writhing under his tongue as you feel your walls shaking; holding back your climax as he slowly reaches his. “Baby,  _ please.  _ I’m getting close, I’m gonna-”

 

“Not yet.” He almost growls against you, pulling his lips away from your trembling clit and using both hands to push his jeans and boxers all the way down. His hands tremble with intense anticipation and a desire for release as he reaches for a condom. He tears into the wrapper and pulls the rubbery latex out, his hands still shaking as he carefully but quickly puts it on. Then, he climbs up further onto the bed, positioning himself before pushing himself deep into you.

 

You let out a soft scream as you take him all in. Reaching up, you wrap around his body as he places his hands under you to support you as he thrusts, quick and deep but with enough pace that the two of you are going to hopefully last a good few minutes. But this was Johnny you were with, a boy that you’ve been wanting since highschool, and now that you are finally getting into him -- for a  _ second  _ time -- you lost all control over your urges. 

 

“Johnny..” you whimper under him, each thrust pushing you further towards the edge to the point that you are clinging on with all of your strength. You can tell he’s getting closer too, and pushing himself over his limit like he was pushing you. His thrusts are becoming sloppier and slower, despite the fact he still continues to push like he has all the energy in the world.

 

“Johnny, I’m-” you don’t even get the words out before your walls close in around him, throwing you off the cliff and into your climax. You arch your back again, letting out a moan as you enter your high. Johnny quickly catches up to you, cumming sharply into the condom with a gasp and a breathless curse. 

 

Beads of sweat form on Johnny’s brow as he stares down at you, taking in your face contorted with pleasure, the sweat on your brow making your skin shine against the afternoon sun streaming through the window. He leans down to place one more kiss upon your lips before he pulls out. Taking off the condom, he ties the end up and discards it before pulling his pants back up. Then, he covers up your bottom half before he lays down on his back next to you, the two of you still riding out your highs together.


	3. iii.

Near silence fills the room, the only sounds being yours and Johnny’s laboured breathing as you come down from your highs. Both of your pants are pulled up in a hasty fashion, just enough for the two of you can keep your dignity. Your shirt is still unbuttoned, your black bra being the only thing covering your breasts. Johnny’s shirt had been buttoned throughout, but is now untucked from his jeans.

 

You turn your head to look at Johnny, who has a grin plastered on his face. He turns to face you, and you stare into the dazed twinkle in his eyes, before you hear the sound of his soft chuckle. 

 

“That was…” he begins, before he hesitates, speechless.

 

“Wow.” You finish his sentence. He laughs softly, and nods.

 

“Yeah.” He says. “Wow indeed.”

 

Johnny then sits up, pushing himself back up the king-sized bed towards the pillows, where he reaches for the pack of cigarettes on his nightstand. You watch him do this, chuckling as he reaches for the cigs. He looks over at you, raising an eyebrow.

 

“What?” He asks, pulling out one of the cigarettes and sticking it between his lips. “You want one?”

 

“I don’t smoke.” You answer. “And, you’re really going for the cliche there.”

 

“Cliche?” He asks, grabbing the red lighter from the nightstand and sparking the trigger, lighting up his cigarette. He takes a drag, before taking the cigarette from his lips and blowing out the smoke smoothly. “What cliche?”

 

“Having a cigarette after sex.” You say, biting your bottom lip slightly. Johnny had been smoking since high-school; even if you hadn’t touched the things in your life, you would still join him under the bleachers most lunchtimes as he got his nicotine fix.  But, seeing him smoke now, moments after the two of you had just finished, it was a new side of Johnny that you aren’t ashamed to admit you enjoy seeing.

 

“You gonna stay down there, or are we going to cuddle?” Johnny breaks your train of thought. Nodding slightly, you start crawling up the bed to meet him at the pillows. As you move towards him, he quickly puts the cigarette on the ashtray, wrapping an arm around you as you join him.

 

“Is this another cliche?” He asks.

 

“Yes.” You say. “But, it’s my favourite one.”

 

“Well, it’s my favourite too.” He smiles softly, before leaning down and placing a gentle kiss on your lips. You rest a hand on his cheek, deepening the kiss as the taste of tobacco caresses your lips. After a minute or two, he chuckles, pulling himself away from you.

 

“Babe.” He murmurs. “We can’t just fuck all weekend.”

 

“Why not?” You chuckle softly, before you sigh as Jaehyun suddenly enters your mind. The high from your climax had now ended, and the guilt is slowly seeping in. You frown, resting your head on Johnny’s chest as you go silent.

 

“Babe.” Johnny says in a worried tone. “Babe, what’s up?”

 

“Jaehyun.” You sigh again, biting on your lip as his face enters your mind. You can’t bear the thought of seeing his face as you tell him how you’ve lied to him, how you’ve now cheated twice. How you’re considering leaving him for your best friend. You aren’t prepared for that; to see him look confusedly at you, before he understands, and then he’ll most likely cry, and leave the room, or get angry and leave  _ you _ .

 

“What am I gonna tell him?”

 

“Y/N-”

 

“No, Johnny.” You sit up now, looking at him. “What am I gonna do? What are  _ we  _ gonna do?”

 

“ _ Why am I even here? _ ”

 

Johnny frowns, as you push yourself away from him. You sit on the edge of the bed, tears brimming in your eyes as you fiddle with your fingers. Your mind is adrift, filling with numbness as you feel lost in what to do next. After a while, you feel Johnny’s hand on your shoulder, and then he wraps his arms around you, resting his chin on your shoulder. 

 

“Hey.” He says quietly. “What are you thinking?”

 

“I...don’t know.” You sigh, tears dripping down your cheeks. “I don’t know what I’m thinking, Johnny. I don’t know what to do. And that scares me.”

 

“You don’t think  _ I’m  _ scared too?” Johnny asks, lifting his head away and looking over your shoulder at you. He reaches a hand up to your face, gently wiping the tears. Then, he sits on the edge of the bed with you, taking your hand in his. “I should be happy, right? I’ve got the girl I’ve liked since high school -  _ twice _ . Any guy would love that, right? But, that girl has a boyfriend, who she clearly loves, and now he doesn’t know what to do about that, and neither does she.”

 

You sigh quietly, as Johnny rubs his thumb gently over your knuckles. He rests his head on your shoulder, tightening his one-sided hug of you as he keeps an arm around your waist. 

 

“Here’s what I’m thinking. We still have until Sunday, right? For the next two days, let’s not think about Jaehyun. Put him out of your mind for the weekend, and decide what you want to do. Whatever you decide, I’ll be okay with. Okay?”

 

You bite your lip, considering Johnny’s offer. He is right; you  _ still  _ have time to decide what you want to do. As much as you love Jaehyun,  _ was  _ there a possibility that you could leave him? Will that be something you can live with, for the rest of your life? That, you did not know. That is what is scaring you the most.

 

On the other hand, you love Johnny. You always have, since high-school. You had once dreamt of being with him, like the high-school sweethearts of every film you’ve seen. You even told yourself he wouldn’t like you in that way, in attempts to push down your feelings after you both moved away from each other. You have always loved Johnny, and you always will. But,  _ was  _ there a future for the two of you? That, you also did not know. 

 

Finally, you give him your answer. “Okay.” You say, sighing. “Okay. I’ll put him out of my mind, and when I decide -  _ what I decide  _ \- I’ll let you know.”

 

“Okay.” Johnny smiles softly, placing a kiss on your temple. Then, he jumps up, pulling you up with him. “Now, first up, a shower. Then, I’m taking you out. There’s a bar nearby, and I think you may like it. You don’t wanna stay cooped up in this apartment all weekend, huh?”

 

“I quite like your apartment.”

 

“I like it too, that’s why I bought it.” He smiles, pulling you towards the bathroom. “Besides, what is there to do here to fill out the time?”

 

“I have a few suggestions.” You smirk slightly, giggling as you bite your lip. He scoffs, pulling you into the bathroom and shutting the door, locking it.

 

“I’m not letting you get out of this. I’m taking you on a date, Y/N. That’s final.”

 

Pulling two towels off of the hook, he hands one to you. Then, he scoots around you to turn on the water, and immediately starts undressing. You do the same, pulling off your shirt meekly and carefully unclasping your bra, dropping it to the floor gently. You use the towel to cover yourself up as you take off your jeans, socks, and panties. Johnny notices this, and he chuckles.

 

“Y/N. I’ve seen you naked twice, and  _ now  _ you’re embarrassed?”

 

Johnny undresses himself completely, stepping under the water as his hair begins to get wet. He holds out a hand for you to join him, which you accept after a moment of hesitation. You gasp softly as the hot water runs down your back, taking you by surprise. Johnny laughs, before he reaches for the many bottles on the shower shelves.

 

“Strawberries, or apples?” He asks, holding two bottles of shampoo in front of you. 

 

“Uhh..” you hesitate, thinking it over. Then, you put your hand on the strawberry-scented shampoo. Johnny smiles, handing the bottle over, before he opens up the apple-scented shampoo and squeezes a bit onto his hand.

 

“Get that all up in your hair, and I’ll do the same.” You carefully move aside, letting Johnny wash his hair under the water. As he washes his hair, you lather yours up with the small dollop of shampoo you had squeezed into your hair, making sure you got every last strand of hair stinking of strawberry shampoo. Then, you patiently wait until Johnny is done. Grabbing the body wash from the shelf, Johnny steps out from under the water to let you rinse your hair off, whilst he lathers himself up in body wash.

 

You smile, sighing softly as the water runs through your hair. You watch as the shampoo slowly disappears from your hair, washing down the drain as you make sure you got all the shampoo out. Once it’s out, you steal a few more minutes under the hot water, enjoying the heat that clung to your naked body. 

 

“Y/N, hurry up.” Johnny whines softly. “This stuff is sticking to me and it feels weird, and you still need to wash up too.”

 

“Pass me the bottle then, I can wash up while I’m under-” Johnny cuts you off, taking you by surprise as he carefully spins you around to face him. Looking up at him, you watch as he squeezes more body wash into his hand, and places the bottle back on the shelf.

 

“I’ll wash you, and you wash me.” Ignoring any attempt at a complaint from you, Johnny pushes you back slightly so that both of you are now sharing the stream of water that falls from the showerhead. He gently runs his hands up your body, as you do the same. As you runs his hands up your arms, you run your hands down his, washing him carefully as he does the same to you.

 

As you run your hands over his chest, he chuckles as if you had tickled him. You smile softly, taking Johnny, for the first time in the light. When you had seen him like this before, in your apartment, his body was shrouded by nightlife. This time, you are taking in his beautiful, slightly tanned skin, the curves of his biceps and the soft ripples of his abs. You bite your lip, trying to control yourself as you carefully rinse him off. 

 

After half an hour, the two of you are washed and rinsed off. Reaching over you, Johnny turns off the water, the two of you dripping onto the shower floor.

 

“All done.” Johnny smiles softly, stepping out from the shower and pulling you out with him. He hands you your towel, which you wrap tightly around your body. Johnny takes his towel and wraps it around his waist. With the two of you covered up, he takes your hand again as he walks with you out of the bathroom.

 

“That was nice, right?” He asks, walking with you back to the bedroom. 

 

“Yeah.” You nod with a small smile. “Yeah, that was nice.”

 

“Good. I’m glad.” Getting back to the bedroom, Johnny lets go of your hand as he walks over to his wardrobe and you go to your bag, the both of you pulling out underwear and clothes to wear. It takes ten minutes for Johnny to dry off his hair, and twenty for you to dry off yours. Both of your hairs are slightly damp after a towel-dry; you braid yours into a braid that hangs over your shoulder, and Johnny brushes his hair into his classic style.

 

It doesn’t take long for either of you to get dressed. Johnny puts on a simple t-shirt, flannel and jeans, with slightly-heeled boots on his feet. You dress up slightly nicer, with a white tank-top tucked into a black leather pencil skirt, nude tights, and black heels on your feet. Grabbing your makeup bag, you quickly dip into the bathroom to apply a simple makeup look -- eyeliner, mascara, and red lipstick. Leaving the bathroom, bag in hand, you giggle as Johnny whistles at you.

 

“Damn.  _ That’s  _ what I’m getting my hands into later? That looks too nice to ruin.”

 

“You dress up pretty nice yourself, Mr. Seo.” You smile. Johnny walks over to you, wrapping an arm around your waist as he uses his free hand to place an order for an Uber. Once the order is placed, the two of you walk out of the apartment to wait for it outside. Within five minutes, a black four-doored car pulls up, and the driver honks for you.

 

Taking his arm from your waist and placing his hand in yours, Johnny walks with you to the car. Being a gentleman, he opens the door and lets you get in first. You climb in, sliding all the way over to the other side as Johnny follows. When the two of you have clicked on your seatbelts, the driver pulls out into the road towards the bar.

 

“You two heading out somewhere nice?” The driver asks, making conversation as he looks at the two of you in the rear-view mirror.

 

“Yeah, a bar not far from here. A friend of mine is tending the bar tonight, and promised us a good deal.” Johnny answers, glancing over at you with a smile.

 

“That’s nice.” The driver smiles. “Is it an anniversary..?”

 

“Oh, no.” You quickly say. “No, we aren’t together.”

 

“Oh.” The driver says, quickly looking away. “Just friends, then?”

 

“It’s complicated.” Johnny mumbles, and the car goes silent the closer the two of you get to the bar. 

 

**

 

When you pull up outside the bar, the neon sign reading  _ Lion’s Den  _ inviting you in. The two of you get out of the car, waving goodbye to the driver as he heads off towards his next customer. Johnny smiles at you.

 

“You ready?” He asks, before he takes your hand again and leads you inside. The bustling atmosphere hits you immediately, giving you a small buzz as Johnny weaves through the crowd, finding a small booth in a less-crowded corner. He sits in the booth on the far side, pulling you into his side.

 

“Johnny!” A voice yells over the many customers, and soon enough you see a black-haired guy with a smile the size of a child’s in a candy store walking over to you with a tray.

 

“Mark Lee!” Johnny laughs, greeting his friend loudly. When Mark gets to the booth, he puts the tray down and takes a seat. Mark looks at Johnny first, then you, and then his smile gets wider.

 

“Ah. Is this your girlfriend?” He teases. “Johnny Seo  _ finally  _ settles down?”

 

“She’s not my girlfriend, Mark.” Johnny says, sighing slightly. “It’s complicated.we haven’t decided anything yet.”

 

“Right.” Mark nods, before he turns his attention to you. “I’m Mark, of course. I’m the bartender most nights, my cousin Doyoung is the owner.”

 

“Hey. I’m Y/N.” You greet shyly. Mark furrows his eyebrows when he hears your name.

 

“Y/N..?” Mark asks, confusion in his voice as he looks over at Johnny. “As in.. the girl from New York?”

 

“Yep.” Johnny nods. “ _ That  _ girl.”

 

“Oh.  _ I see _ .” Mark goes quiet for a second, before suddenly perking up. “I should get back to the bar -- uh, what are we ordering tonight?”

 

“I’ll take a beer please. Y/N?”

 

“A rum and coke, please.” You smile. Mark nods, making a mental note of your order and promising to get it to you as soon as he can. When he leaves, you turn to Johnny.

 

“What was that about?” You ask quietly. “I’m  _ that  _ girl?”

 

Johnny awkwardly shifts in his seat. “Well, we  _ did  _ kinda end it on bad terms.”

 

“I’m  _ cheating  _ on my boyfriend because of you.” You mutter, shuffling away from him slightly. “I’ll be lying to him all weekend; he believes I’m at some stupid award show receiving a bogus award.”

 

“What did I say? No Jaehyun this weekend, remember?”

 

“Whatever.” You heave a sigh, remaining an arms length from him. You contemplate leaving altogether, but you don’t know his way back to his place and you had already told Jaehyun you’d be staying for the entire weekend, so you are essentially stuck with him until Sunday. Not that you mind that, but right now, you are confused and just want the weekend to be over.

 

Mark soon comes back with your drinks, breaking the tension. He places the drinks down carefully, giving the two of you another smile before he disappears again. More voices call out to Johnny, and you both turn your heads to see a couple approaching; a man with dark hair, round eyes and an adorable looking smile approaches your booth with a woman that has long, dark hair and small, intense eyes.

 

“Hey guys!” Johnny smiles at them as they sit. Then, he introduces you. “Y/N, this is Jeon Jungkook, and his girlfriend Kang Seulgi. Jungkook is in my photography class, and Seulgi is a model.”

 

“ _ My  _ model.” Jungkook smirks, wrapping an arm around Seulgi. “Babe, say hi.”

 

“Hey. I’m Seulgi. You’re the one from New York?”

 

“Yeah. Me and Johnny go way back.”

 

“We know.” Jungkook says. “He told us all about what happened. Pretty rough, if you ask me.”

 

“So, what are you doing here now?” Seulgi asks. “Are the two of you together, or is this the start of an affair?”

 

“Undecided.” Johnny answers. “I’m letting Y/N decide; I know what I want, of course. The same thing I’ve wanted for three years. One of the reasons I went down to New York, actually. But, if she doesn’t want to, I gotta accept that. She has a whole life without me, I can’t just force myself in.”

 

“Alright.” Jungkook nods, before turning back to you. “So, how’s New York? Johnny says you’re a writer?”

 

“Yeah, I’m studying Literature.” You say, taking a sip of your drink. “New York’s nice. Jaehyun’s nice..”

 

“Jaehyun?” Seulgi asks.

 

“Her boyfriend.”

 

“Oh. Is it serious?”

 

“He doesn’t know I know, but I think he’s planning to propose.”

 

“Shit.” Jungkook sighs, eyes wide. “Johnny, you got yourself in a sticky situation, huh.”

 

“Have you told Jaehyun about..?” Seulgi asks.

 

“No.” You sigh. “But, I’m planning to when I get home on Sunday. I mean, I have to. But, I just don’t know what to do about the rest.”

 

“The rest?” Jungkook asks.

 

“She’s talking about us.” Johnny clarifies. “That’s why we’re undecided.”

 

“Gotcha.” Jungkook nods. Mark comes back over to the booth after a while, getting Jungkook and Seulgi’s drink orders. Then, he disappears, coming back after five minutes with drinks for all four of you.

 

The four of you chat late into the night, keeping Jaehyun off of your mind as you share stories of highschool, along with hearing all about how Johnny had been living in LA before he ran into you again. Johnny had led a pretty fantastic life, travelling around the West Coast getting snaps of all sorts of things. He worked a few small, semi-professional jobs as a wedding or baby photographer. 

 

Johnny had also led a promiscuous dating life, as Jungkook continuously brings up throughout the night. Johnny sits beside you, a shy grin on his lips as his friend and his friend’s girlfriend mention all of Johnny’s past lovers, picking favourites among the list of girls. You fiddle with your fingers as the two go on listing names, as Jaehyun pops into your mind again -- he was your first, and your only, college love. 

 

Glancing at his phone, Johnny quickly jumps up. “It’s nearly midnight, we’re gonna head off.”

 

“Ooh.” Jungkook slurs, giggling. “Off for some fun, are we? We won’t tell, will we, babe?”

 

“Kook, shut up.” Seulgi chuckles, before looking over at you and Johnny leaving the booth. “It was nice meeting you, Y/N. Have a nice night, you two.”

 

“Have a good night, guys.” Johnny smiles, stumbling out of the bar with your hand in his. He hails down a cab, pulling you in with him as he tells the driver his address. As the car drives down the busy street, Johnny wraps his arm around your waist and rests his chin on your head. You lean into his chest, looking out of the cab window at all the stores open late.

 

“I’m hungry.” You mumble into his chest. “Can we get some take-out?”

 

“What do you want?” Johnny asks.

 

“Chinese food.” 

 

“Alright. There’s a shop nearby that sells that.” Sitting up, Johnny gets the attention of the cab driver. He gives the driver the address, asking that the two of you be dropped off there. The driver nods, and Johnny sits back in his seat, pulling you back onto his chest.

 

“Johnny.”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Out of all the girls you’ve had, which was  _ your  _ favourite? Jungkook and Seulgi told me theirs, but what about you?”

 

Without missing a beat, he says: “You.”

 

**

 

You let out a laugh as you stumble into Johnny’s apartment. Johnny follows in after you, nearly dropping the bag of food as he almost trips over his own feet. You take the bag from his hands, placing them on the counter aisle before you take off your heels. You let out a sigh as you take the heels from your aching feet.

 

“I hate wearing heels.” You whine. “My feet are killing me.”

 

“I gotcha.” Johnny grins at you, before swiftly picking you up and carrying you bridal-style to the couch.

 

“Johnny!” You squeal, barely getting the chance to enjoy being carried by him before he drops you gently on the couch. Grabbing the remote from the coffee table, he hands it to you. 

 

“Put whatever you want on. I’ll dish up the food.” You flick through the many shows queued up on his Netflix recommendations, settling on a comedy flick as Johnny dishes up your food in the kitchen. 

 

“This looks good.” You call out to him. “ _ The Hangover _ ?”

 

“We’ll certainly have one tomorrow.” Johnny chuckles, carrying over the food dished up onto plates resting on trays. He hands you yours first, before plopping down on the couch beside you.

 

“Wait.” You say, putting your tray on the table as you jump up. “I’m gonna change.”

 

“Change? Out of the outfit I  _ specifically  _ said I was gonna rip off of you?” Johnny asks.

 

“Not tonight, cowboy. Maybe tomorrow. But tonight, I’m gonna eat, then I’m gonna sleep.”

 

“Alright.” Johnny says, waving you off. “Go get yourself into something comfy.”

 

“Don’t touch my chow mein, or you’re dead.” You smile, before heading off to the bedroom. Making a beeline for your bag, that still sits by Johnny’s bed, you pull out an oversized hoodie and booty shorts. Pulling on the pyjamas, you take your hair out of the braid and tie it into a messy bun. Then, you head back out to the living room. Climbing over the couch, you take your seat next to Johnny. Grabbing your tray, Johnny starts up the movie as you both settle down to eat.

 

You spend the duration of the movie eating, then laughing at the stupidity of the movie. Then, as is the tradition of  _ Netflix & Chill _ , you both push aside your trays to make-out. It starts off sweet, with Johnny gently placing his lips on yours, and you deepening the kiss by placing a cool hand on his cheek. Then, it escalates slightly further as Johnny grabs you and pulls you onto his lap, and you straddle him, your two bodies moving in sync as you drown in each others’ kisses.

 

The make-out session doesn’t last for very long though, as once you  _ yawn  _ into Johnny’s mouth, he lets out a laugh and pulls away from the kiss.

 

“Okay, gorgeous. I think someone needs to sleep.” You pout sleepily, wanting to continue as much as your body is protesting it. Johnny tucks his arms under your thighs, picking you up to carry you to the bedroom. You wrap your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck, almost falling asleep on his shoulder if it wasn’t for him gently dropping you onto the bed. He undresses himself, leaving himself in just his t-shirt and boxers, and laying the rest of his clothes on a chair in the corner of the room. 

 

He draws back the covers, getting into the bed before patting the empty space next to him. You tiredly pull yourself up towards him, getting under the covers and resting your head on his chest. 

 

“Goodnight, Y/N.” He mumbles into your hair as he give you a kiss on the top of your head.

 

“ _ I love you _ .”

 

You don’t answer him.

 


	4. iv.

Sunlight streams through Johnny’s blinds, stirring you from your sleep. You sit up from where you had been sleeping against his chest, using one hand you keep duvet covering your bare chest whilst the other hand shields your arm from the bright light. Groaning softly, you lean over to look at the time on your phone.

 

It is seven o’clock on a Sunday morning. You sigh softly. 

 

_ You are going home today _ .

 

The weekend had gone by so quickly, you struggle to remember every last detail. You spent your days with Johnny in domestic bliss, the two of you doing normal couple things - grocery shopping, lazing around in the apartment. And sex; a whole lot of sex. You made use of every last square inch of Johnny’s apartment,  _ literally.  _ The kitchen counter, the couch, up against the walls and the doors, on the bed, even in the shower. 

 

But, it had to come to an end. You had to make a choice. Were you going to act on your passionate weekend and take the plunge, or were you going to pretend nothing happened, return to normalcy back home, and act as if Johnny never existed? You were still unsure.

 

Johnny is still sleeping; he looks peaceful, and you can’t help but smile as you stare at him-- the little twitching of his nose, the gentle rise and fall of his chest, the slight parting of his lips. You sigh softly, turning away as you move to get out of bed. Your flight is due in two hours, and, since you can’t see yourself getting back to sleep, you are going to make use of that time.

 

Grabbing up your clothes that are discarded following the previous night’s love-making, you grasp your phone between your fingers and head towards the bathroom to have a shower. This would give you the chance to fully collect your thoughts, and make a proper decision in what you wanted to do. Getting to the bathroom, you enter the room, pushing the door closed with your foot. 

 

Dropping the clothes on the floor, you flick through your phone before finding a playlist. Putting on the smooth music, you put your phone in the dock that Johnny kept near the shower. Next, you reach into the shower and turn the water on, and as it heats up you get a towel off the rack and set it down on the toilet. Jumping under the water, you squeal softly as the hot water brushes against your bare body, before you soon settle into the heat. 

 

Rubbing an apple-scented shampoo into your palms, you lather your hair in the suds. Humming along to the music, you rub your hands through your hair as you cover every last strand in bubbles and simultaneously wash them out. Next, you move onto lathering your body in a strawberry-scented body wash. You shut your eyes as the heat caresses your body, the water licking the suds away as your mind clears of all troublesome thoughts.

 

“Okay.” You mumble to yourself, turning the water down slightly as it gets a little too hot. “Time to  _ really  _ think about this, Y/N.”

 

On the one hand, there was Johnny Seo. Your best friend, your high-school crush. The person that had made your little virgin heart race when you saw him in the halls, the one to produce little muffled noises of pleasure as you got yourself off most nights when you couldn’t sleep. Your first kiss (during a freshman game of spin the bottle). The one everyone thought you were dating because he was the only one you hung out with.  _ The person you cheated with _ . 

 

And, on the other, was Jung Jaehyun. Your first  _ real  _ boyfriend, the one to take your virginity. The one you trusted with almost anything, even with sharing a whole apartment. The one you loved,  _ truly loved _ , and would go to the ends of the earth for. The one that made you smile, and laugh, and the one that warmed your heart with the sweetest of greetings. The hottest person you knew, you couldn’t believe he was yours.  _ The one you cheated on _ .

 

Sighing, your thoughts become clear as you finally choose what you are going to do next. Turning off the water, you reach for the towel as you step out. Wrapping the towel around your body, you grab your clothes and phone and scramble towards the bedroom, your hair creating a dripping path as you scurry along the hardwood floor. As you catch sight of a bare-backed Johnny standing in the kitchen, making up two plates of toast, you jump backwards slightly. Johnny turns around, smiling when you sees you.

 

“Good morning.” He greets in a husky tone. You smile sheepishly, looking down at the floor.

 

“Hey.” You mumble. “Did I wake you?”

 

“Nah.” Johnny replies. “You’re leaving today, right? Do you want breakfast before you go?”

 

“Yeah.” You nod. “Let me just get dressed.”

 

“Yeah, of course.” Johnny chuckles, as you continue to scurry towards the bedroom. Once there, you first put down your phone before shoving the dirty clothes in your bag and pulling out some clean clothes. You settle on a tank-top tucked into jeans, with Vans on your feet. You spend some minutes vigorously rubbing at your hair in a vague attempt to towel-dry it, before you groan to yourself and braid the damp locks into a side braid that hangs over your shoulder. 

 

Applying a simple face of make-up, you sort out your bag before heading back out to the kitchen, where Johnny is propped up at the counter island with a piece of toast hanging from his mouth, and a plate of toast next to him for you.

 

Sitting up at the counter, you grab the toast and start to eat, the two of you sitting in silence. Neither of you really know what to say to each other; you both had plenty that you  _ wanted  _ to say, yet, you can’t quite get the words out.

 

After around two minutes, Johnny finally speaks up. He asks the one thing you are expecting him to.

 

“So…” he mumbles, avoiding your gaze. “What are we gonna do?”

 

“I..” you sigh, putting down the slice of toast. “I am going home.”

 

“And?”

 

“And, I’m not coming back.”

 

Johnny’s face falls slightly as you break the news. “I’m sorry Johnny. You know I love you. I always have, and I always will. You’re one of the first I’ve loved. But..”

 

“But?”

 

“But, what we did, can’t continue. What we did, stops here. That first time, it took me three months to forget about it. It took me three months to stop eating myself up inside. I could have lost him, Johnny. And, I know I’m going to lose him when I tell him, but it’s the right choice. It’s  _ my  _ choice.”

 

“Right.” Johnny says, slowly nodding. “Okay. I understand. I hoped you’d pick me, of course. But you and Jaehyun, you’ve got a whole life together. Who am I to intrude on that?”

 

“Right.” You say; now  _ you _ were the one to avoid  _ his _ gaze. Sighing, you get up from the counter. You’d overstayed your welcome, it was now time for you to go. 

 

“Johnny.. I’m really sorry. If this was another life, it would be you.”

 

“Right.” Johnny says again. Biting your bottom lip, you walk to the bedroom to grab your bag. You pick the bag up and put the straps on your shoulder before walking back out. Johnny eats in silence, not even looking at you. You stop, hesitating as you decide whether to say goodbye to him. You sigh deeply, before you continue walking without a word.

 

\--

 

When your flight touches ground back in New York, the first thing you do after getting off the plane is check your messages. You only have one, from Jaehyun:

 

**Jaehyun:**

_ Hey babe. Got an early shift so can’t pick you up from the airport; you’ll have to get a cab. I’ll see you tonight when I get home x _

 

Sighing, you shove your phone back in your pocket as you head towards baggage claim. Weaving around the packed airport, you find your way to your bag and grab it before heading swiftly to the exit. Once outside, the summer sun hitting your skin, you stick out your arm to flag down a cab. One pulls up, and you open the door and clamour inside, putting your bag on the seat beside you as you tell the driver where to go.

 

“You been on a holiday?” The driver asks, noting your bag on the backseat. 

 

“Yeah.” You reply, looking out the window as the cityscape passes you by. “I went to LA for a few days, to see a friend.”

 

“Oh, nice.” The driver nods as his eyes go back onto the road. “Did you have fun?”

 

“Yeah.” You nod slowly, a hint of sadness in your voice as visions of the weekend pass you by. You bite your bottom lip, shaking your head as the visions disperse. The car goes quiet again, the only words from the driver being utterings of profanties as his fellow drivers. 

 

After a little while, the grey brick townhouse apartment comes into view. You settle almost immediately, before anxiety washes gently over you as you realise that this  _ is  _ your choice, to tell Jaehyun what happened to which he will leave you. A part of you wanted to turn around, to run back to Johnny, change your name and number and essentially ghost everyone you ever knew. But, you knew you couldn’t do that.

 

_ This is the right choice _ . You tell yourself as you pay the driver. Grabbing your bag, you use the other hand to push open the car door and you slide out, shutting the door behind you and waving the driver off. You then turn back to the building behind you, looking up at it as you swallow the lump in your throat.

 

_ You can’t keep lying to him, Y/N. _

 

You head inside, slowly climbing the stairs to your apartment on the fourth floor. As expected, Jaehyun isn’t in the apartment when you finally get there. This gave you plenty of time to unpack, prepare lunch, figure out what you were going to tell him, and brace yourself for the worst. 

 

Heading to the bedroom, you rest your bag on the bed as you start to unpack. You place your clothes back in the closet, the make-up bag back on your desk. Your toothbrush and toothpaste go back in the holder in the en-suite bathroom. Your dirty clothes go in the hamper for you to wash in a little while.

 

Taking off your shoes, you place them in the shoe holder in the closet. Grabbing the hairbrush that you recently put back in its place, you comb out all the tangles from your hair before tying it up into a ponytail. Putting the brush back down, you head out to the kitchen to prepare lunch.

 

You settle on a simple BLT sandwich; all the nerves weren’t helping your appetite. As well as that, you planned to make a big dinner for Jaehyun when he got home, to hopefully soften the blow of your confession.

 

Sandwich made, you sit up on the counter as you pick at the sandwich, slowly eating it as you watch the clock tick by with an excruciating slowness. Sighing, you jump off the counter and throw the half-eaten sandwich in the trash, rinsing off the plate before hanging it on the drying rack. 

 

Getting a glass out the cabinet, you pour a glass of water and down it quickly. Wiping your mouth, you rinse out the glass and place it next to the dripping plate. 

 

You are lounging on the couch, flicking through Netflix to pass the hours, until Jaehyun comes home at seven. His voice rings through the apartment as he comes through the door, a bouquet of blue flowers in his hand. Seeing his face, and the huge grin as he sees you, is enough to enlarge the already-huge pit in your stomach.

 

“Hey, you.” Jaehyun says in a sing-song voice as he makes his way over to you. He towers over you, leaning down to plant a deep kiss on your lips. He then hums as he pulls away.

 

“Mm. Whatever’s cooking smells great, babe.”

 

“Are you hungry?” You ask, quickly sitting up.

 

“Yeah.” Jaehyun says in a husky tone, his eyes clouding over with lust as he starts trailing kisses down your neck. You gasp as his lips come into contact with your skin; the way he gently slides the tip of his tongue down your neck sends shivers down your spine. He supports your back as he nibbles at your neck.

 

“Jaehyun..” you giggle softly as his lips leave gentle bruises on your neck. Jaehyun slowly lays you back down on the couch, pushing your legs apart so that he can get between them. You can tell how much he had been missing you, and you let him continue -- after all, this would be the  _ last time _ .

 

“I missed you.” Jaehyun mumbles into your neck as he trails kisses downward, dotting your collarbone and shoulders in kisses before he keeps moving downwards. Pulling at your top, he untucks it from your jeans and pulls the hem upwards. Pulliing the top off, he drops it beside him before he dives back down, planting kisses in the chasm between your breasts, trailing his tongue along your stomach. 

 

You bite down on your lips, whimpering softly as his lips brush over your skin gently. Moving your arms up, you shakily unbutton his black shirt. As you barely get the third button undone, Jaehyun pulls his lips from your stomach. Giving you a sly grin, he grabs the sides of his collar and pulls off the shirt, exposing his rippled torso. You gasp as your eyes scan him; all those sessions at the gym were paying off well. 

 

Jaehyun goes back down, planting a deep, passionate kiss on your lips as he pulls you closer to him. His abs rub against your stomach, which makes you moan softly as his hot skin tickles you. 

 

“I missed you.” Jaehyun says again, grunting softly as his hands slither down to the hem of your jeans. Feeling him fiddle with the zipper, you instinctively push your hips up towards him, as if to beckon him in.

 

“ _ So much _ .”

 

Supporting you with one arm, the other arm slithers down your pants as your jeans open up to him. He quickly moves from being between your legs to now being on your side, pressing himself into the couch cushions as his hand crawls past the hem of your underwear. 

 

His warm fingers brush against you, and you let out another stifled moan as he teases you with his index finger. He runs it up between your pussy lips, dragging his finger slowly to get the most pleasure out of you. You groan under his touch, pushing your hips upwards again as he circles your clit with his finger, before pushing his finger back down between your lips. 

 

He repeats this a few times, with each trip making you throw your head back as you let out either a gasp, a stifled moan, a small whimper, or a full, loud moan. Each little noise you made, Jaehyun would return with a chuckle and a sly smirk; he loves the way you sound, and he can’t get enough.

 

“Jaehyun..” you whimper as you push your hips up again, begging him for more. “Jae, please.”

 

“Please, what?”

 

“More.” You push up your hips with a groan, and he chuckles. “ _ More _ .”

 

“As you wish, babe.” Taking out his finger, he removes his hand completely and starts pushing down your jeans and panties until they sit at your ankles. Moving again, he positions himself between your legs. Reaching up, you pull off the clothes and drop them on the floor next to you, which gives Jaehyun more room on the narrow, three-seater couch. 

 

In position between your legs, Jaehyun then repeats what he did to you with his fingers, but now with his tongue. He slides his tongue between your lips slowly, and you throw back your head to let out a long drawl of a moan, his name slipping out quickly at the end. He plays with your clit a little, alternating between circling it with the tip of his tongue, or bringing his lips to it to suck on it very gently. Both times, you moan again. Both times, his name comes out a little louder.

 

All the blood in your veins rushes down to your pulsing clit; a climax is on its way. You whimper, biting on your bottom lip as you want to keep the climax away as long as you can. Down below, Jaehyun grips at your thighs to steady himself. This alone nearly sends you over the edge.

 

“Jae..” You say, voice shaking as he continues to work you over with his tongue. “Baby, I’m close.”

 

“Wait.” He grunts between your legs, taking his hands from your thighs to unbutton his jeans. Pushing them down to his ankles along with his boxers, he takes his lips away from you as he lifts the two of you up to switch position. Now, you are on top of him, with Jaehyun settling you into position over his semi-erect member. 

 

Gripping your hands tightly, he lowers you down onto him. Your wetness allows him to slide in easily, his cock pushing against your walls.

 

Jaehyun grips your hips, pushing his hips up as you ride him slowly. The two of you are getting louder and louder as you do your best to hold back your climax, and Jaehyun approaches his. As you grind against him, pushing him towards his climax, Jaehyun snakes his hands up to your back to push you down against him. His lips find yours as you continue to ride him, melting into his kiss as you muffle your sounds of pleasure.

 

“Shit.” Jaehyun curses softly against your lips, and you feel him twitching inside you. “ _ Shit _ .”

 

With a groan, Jaehyun releases inside you. His climax is enough to throw you into your own, as the two of you mix your juices together in a perfect harmony. You gasp as you enter your high, feeling a new type of euphoria as you ride on cloud nine. Pushing yourself off of Jaehyun, you lay down next to him as exhaustion hits you and you pass out.

 

\--

 

You wake up to Jaehyun softly trailing circles into your back. Groaning softly, you stir from your slumber to discover sunlight streaming through the bedroom blinds. You’re in bed, under the covers, with Jaehyun smiling up at you.

 

“Good morning.” He hums, pulling your chin towards him to plant a soft kiss on your lips. 

 

“Morning?” You ask, trying to recover the memories from last night. Looking down, the sheet covers your body; you’re wearing Jaehyun’s shirt, and he’s wearing nothing but sweatpants. 

 

“After our little reunion on the couch,” Jaehyun chuckles as the choice of words. “You passed out. The food was burnt, so I threw it out. Then, I got you changed and brought you to the bed. You slept like a baby, by the way.”

 

“Oh.” You smile shyly, resting your head back on his chest. “I cooked you a nice dinner, to surprise you.”

 

“Well, consider me surprised.” Jaehyun smiles, resting his cheek against your head. “Breakfast?”

 

“Yeah.” You hum. “Yeah, I could eat.”

 

“Okay. See you in a bit.” Planting a kiss on your forehead, Jaehyun gently moves you so that he can get up. You watch him walk out of the bedroom, and as he leaves the room the pit in your stomach grows larger, the guilt washing over you as you realise that you now have to ruin the perfect little domestic moment the two of you are in.

 

You wait a few minutes, not wanting to leave the bed. You want to stay between those sheets forever, ignoring the guilt and living in the bliss you had last night. But you couldn’t, you  _ knew  _ you couldn’t. And so, you throw back the covers, put your feet over the bed, and stand up.

 

Walking out to the kitchen, Jaehyun smiles at you as he slides a plate of toast in your direction. Looking at the small plate, you let out a sigh as you sit up at the counter island.

 

_ Of course, it had to be toast _ .

 

Jaehyun leans against the counter, facing you as he shoves a whole triangle-slice of toast into his mouth whilst you gently nibble at your piece.

 

“I forgot to ask.” Jaehyun says, chewing on his food. “How was LA? Did you win?”

 

You blink at him for a few seconds, before he says again: “The writing competition?”

 

“ _ Oh. _ ” You say, realising that he fell into your lie and actually believed you when you said you were going to LA for a competition that never existed. You feel as if you had been punched in the gut, as you slowly get out your answer.

 

“About that..”

 

Sighing, you look away from him as you start to confess the truth. “There  _ was  _ no competition, Jaehyun. I was with Johnny that weekend. And we.. did stuff.”

 

Jaehyun stays quiet, as you watch the gears in his mind turn as he processes what you’re telling him. 

 

“That night, when Johnny came here and was using me as a model? When you went to the gym? We got drunk, and things happened then.”

 

Jaehyun is still quiet, and you swallow the lump in your throat as you finally get the words out in a single sob.

 

“I cheated, Jaehyun.” You say, with tears running down your cheeks. “And I’m  _ so  _ sorry.”

 

You watch Jaehyun carefully, as it slowly sinks it. You can hear his heart break in his chest. He sighs, puffing his cheeks out as he steps back from the counter, mutters a quiet ‘ _ okay’  _ and walks away from you, heading towards the bedroom.

 

“Jaehyun.” You say, getting off the stool and following him. Tears were still pouring from your eyes, dripping onto the floor as you walked behind him. Jaehyun enters the bedroom, and shuts the door behind him. You manage to catch it before it fully closes, and you enter the room.

 

Jaehyun sits on the bed, leaning over as he puts his head in his hands and slowly rubs his temples. You stand by the door, watching him closely as he keeps muttering to himself.

 

“You.. _ cheated _ on me?” He asks quietly, not looking at you. “I give you everything, and you go and cheat on me?  _ Twice _ ?”

 

“Jae..” Jaehyun looks up at you, glaring at you with tearful eyes.

 

“ _ Don’t call me that _ .” He hisses, slowly standing up. “Don’t fucking pretend that this is all okay? You  _ lied  _ to me, Y/N. You betrayed me. For your best friend. I thought  _ I  _ was your best friend.”

 

“I know that! And I’m sorry!” You shout back, tears hot on your cheeks as you watch him shake his head and turn away. “But, I came back, didn’t I? I had a choice between you and him and I chose  _ you _ . I will always choose you, Jaehyun.”

 

“Oh? Is that supposed to make me feel  _ better _ , Y/N? What do you want me to do- do you want me to take you in my arms and kiss you and fuck you like you haven’t lied to me? We’re supposed to just move on and be happy with our lives even though you fucked up? Because I’m not gonna fucking do that, Y/N. No fucking chance.”

 

His words sting you like a shaken hornet’s nest. You turn away from him, sniffling as you catch your breath and try to calm yourself down. Jaehyun sighs, going to the nightstand and pulling something you. Jaehyun throws a small box at you, hitting you in the chest as he turns from you again.

 

“Keep it.” He spits, as you pick up the box and open it to reveal the engagement ring he had planned to give you; a shining, silver ring encrusted with diamonds and engraved with the words ‘ _ Y/N & Jae, forever and always _ ’ inside. You close the box slowly and hold it tightly with one hand. Looking up, you see Jaehyun still not looking at you, as he utters:

 

“I bought that over the weekend, while you were out fucking your friend. I was gonna give it to you on our anniversary next month. But, you keep it. Pawn it, even, to pay for that one-way ticket back to him. Because I sure don’t want to see you around anymore.”

 

Sighing, Jaehyun walks over to the closet, where he pulls out a duffel bag and clothes. Your heart drops, and your voice falters: “Jae, please. Don’t go.”

 

“I’m not staying here. Not with  _ you _ . You’re just like the rest, Y/N. You’re just a fucking slut that can’t keeps her legs closed and will give it to any guy that gives her a kind smile and offers her a chance to have her photo taken.”

 

“Jaehyun. I said I was sorry.”

 

“Yeah, I heard you, every time. Still doesn’t change the fact you cheated on me twice. The second time you weren’t even drunk, you willingly  _ lie  _ to me and fly out sober.”

 

“How was he, by the way?” He asks. “Was he better than me, worse, or on the same level? Do you wanna give me his number so that I can get some tips on how to fuck my girlfriend like he did?”

 

“Jaehyun-”

 

“Y/N. Just go. Leave me to pack.”

 

You do what he asks, sniffling quietly as you leave and shut the door. You sit beside the door, balling your knees up to your chest as you sob quietly. Your heart aches as you hear him shuffling around the bedroom, packing his things. When you hear the door open, you look up at him as he leaves. He looks at you, glaring with tearful, red eyes. Then, he scoffs. 

 

Pulling his keys from his pocket, he takes the key to the apartment and drops it on the floor next to you. 

 

“You aren’t the victim here.” He mutters, turning away. “Y/N. You did this to yourself.”

 

Jaehyun then walks away, and you hold your breath as he walks to the door, opens it, steps out and closes it shut. Then, the apartment falls to a still silence.

 

_ You were his muse. And, it ended up costing you everything. Are you happy with yourself, Y/N? _


End file.
